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“Naturally, the common people don’t want war … but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country.”

Hermann Goering (1893 – 1946)
Commander-in-Chief of the Luftwaffe,
President of the Reichstag,
Prime Minister of Prussia and Hitler’s designated successor –
The second in command of the Third Reich.

Sounds scarily familiar don’t you think?

– knitagirl

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“Bah Humbug!”

I have a headache and I’m stuck at work with computers that refuse to co-operate. Its days like today that make me wish I still lived here:

Penarth, South Wales

I miss Penarth…. *sigh*

– knitagirl

No time for a real post – I’ll post after my weekend with the girls. But for now, here’s something for you all to think about:

– knitagirl x

1. Sort my life out.

Have you ever reached a point where you are desperately unhappy with how your life appears to be turning out? I’ve finished uni, got a decent grade, and now I’m home. But now what? I’m lucky in that I have a job that pays well and allows me to be pretty flexible with my hours. But it has nothing to do with what I ultimately want to do in life. I guess its letting me save so I can finally do some travelling, but its at the same company as where my mum works, so that when we’ve had an argument or she decides she doesn’t like me for some reason, I can’t escape her. She’s there 3 days of the week, and even when she’s not there, everyone knows her so I can’t let off steam by talking about stuff, because it’ll just get back to her. Plus its definitely not the most inspiring of jobs either. I had all these plans for designing and making stuff to sell, but when i get home at the end of the day, all I want to do is collapse on the sofa and watch tv to switch off. I really need to start knitting again, but I simply have no motivation.

I also don’t have much confidence in myself generally, which means that when I have a down day, what little I do have rapidly disappears down the drain. The problem is that recently my down days have been gathering together and hitting me all at the same time. The result is this. A feeling that follows me around like an ugly little gremlin constantly taunting me saying ‘you’re useless, you’re never going to make it, you have no creative talent, why do you even bother?’ I see all these people who have so much talent. They’re out there, showing and selling their work. They’ve got the guts to go to places like the K&S Show and say ‘here I am, look at my work and buy it’. And I want to be like them, but there’s always something holding me back. I don’t think its really helped that my mum has never been that supportive of me wanting to pursue a career within the creative industry. She has readily admitted that she can’t see a future in it, that I should train to be a secretary or something. And she could never understand why I needed to go to uni. Her point of view was that she had done fine without a degree, so what was the point? There have always been little comments that even though she tries to pass them off as jokes, are obvious that they’re anything but. You would think that by now, I’d have learnt to deal with and ignore her, but obviously I haven’t. I would love to move out and put a nice big distance between the two of us, but I simply can’t afford it. Not while I still want to travel. I guess I’ll just have to put up with everything until I’ve earnt enough to disappear.

I think I’m also feeling lost now the security of education has gone. for the past 17 years I’ve always had something to go back to when September comes. Be it school, college of university, but now I don’t, I don’t really know what to do with myself.

This is just one big moan. I just needed to get it out. So please feel free to ignore it. Or you could read it and then give me a swift hard kick up the backside, because I think I might need it.